Tribulations of a Doomed Date

Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks and Pan use to be best friends, through part of middle school, high school and beyond. And although they had done a lot together they never did actually date and the following may be an indication of why. In fact, Pan didn’t’ date at all until he graduated from high school.

Pan and Bug had planned on going to D&R’s apartment for a party one evening when he was home from college on break. As he was leaving his parents home, he told his mother that he would be picking up Bug and taking her to the party.

This party was your typical home from college break party, but on the way they passed a Shakey’s Pizza Parlor. Bug spotted the vehicle of a friend of hers and wanted to stop in and say hi since she had not seen them for in a while. Pan could never deny her anything back then, so they stop. She introduced him to the others and then they mentioned going to a dance club and would the two of them like to come along.

Bug, still being Bug, walked out with Pan and asked him if he would mind too terribly if she went dancing instead of the party. According to him it was no problem as that meant he could stay at D&R’s and drink instead of being the designated driver. So back into the pizza parlor they go wherein Bug proceeds to tell her other friend that she is going to catch a ride to the dance club with them. Her other friend, still being polite, asks why she doesn’t ask Pan to join them. Her reply (now this is priceless) is, “Oh, no, he’s too good of a friend to do that to!” When Pan said that it was kind of hard to keep a straight face given the stunned look on the other guy’s face to this comment, probably hit the nail on the head.

Bug, still being Bug, walks Pan back outside to this car and he advises her that when she gets back in, she may want to explain the remark, meaning that Pan can’t dance (ever seen Forrest Gump dance? Well you got the picture then) and she didn’t want to subject him to just sitting there while everyone else was having fun.

Now one would think this is sufficient to be a doomed date, but no, there is more and after what follows, I can well imagine that Pan gave up any ideas of dating Bug again. So here in his own words, Pan tells the rest of the story:

“Oh well, it would have been nice to hang out with Bug a little longer, but I knew she’d almost certainly enjoy dancing more than the party we had been on the way to, and now I could have a drink or ten (I was not particularly good at moderation at that point in my life, but I did avoid having to drive if I was going to be drinking). Being a somewhat considerate child, after I had been at the party for a while and, had enough that I realized I did not need to try and make it back to my parents, I called home. My mom answered the phone. I told her I had been drinking, and felt it would be better if I just stayed the night there.

Long pause ….. FINE! (Ouch! I got some frostbite on my ear). Now I’m really puzzled. Mom had never gotten upset about my drinking with friends any other time I had been home on break, as long as I told her whether I would be coming home that night or not. I had already had a few, so maybe I didn’t say it very well. Maybe there was too much noise in the background. Maybe I just needed another five or six drinks, what the heck, Mom had already hung up on me. Not much more thought about that (or anything else for that matter).

The next day, mind, we are definitely NOT talking about morning, early in the afternoon; I make it back to my folks house. Say hi to Mom. I don’t exactly remember the greeting, but the frostbite this time just about cost me a couple of fingers and my nose. I apologize for not making it home, and try to point out that I did call. Mom explodes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this mad before and it is certainly the maddest I can ever remember her being at me, at least until years later when I told her what I got my wife for mother’s day. Tink can explain that one.

Mom wasn’t mad that I got drunk and stayed at D’s, she mad that I got drunk and made poor Bug find another ride home. As soon as I get the chance, I explain that we had a change of plans wherein Bug went dancing with other friends and I went to the party by myself. Thank god for the quick thaw before I lost any toes."